My {Re}Purposed Bracelet

I recently came across a blog titled My {Re}Purposed Life.  I know it kinda sounds like a Rick Warren bible study, but it was quite approachable.  Without all the pretentious "My carbon footprint is smaller than your carbon footprint" banter that usually accompanies eco-friendly activist, this site was rather inspiring.  Her lack of Greener-Than-Thou attitude is no doubt what allowed me to get drawn in.  I find nothing more off putting than being guilt-ed into making positive changes.  There are no positive vibes in negative reinforcement.  Her outlook was "look at all this cool stuff".  My ooo-shiny reflexes drew me in and now I'm hooked.

So I got to thinking.  What is something I have and don't use?  What is something I want but don't have?  How can I link them together?  Answer?  CHARM BRACELET!!!  I've always wanted a charm bracelet, but its one of those things you can't just start doing, or buy pre-charmed.  It has to sort of grow organically from your life.  Purchasing a charm bracelet or buying charms in bulk is like ripping holes in clothes so you can sew cute patches on them.  Kinda back-ass-wards.  However, I do have a lot of under-used and/or damaged jewelry...Light bulb!

Left to Right: Hands, Grabber, and Chomper

Before I left Georgia I made a few necklaces for my mom and grandma.  It was super easy and in the process I invested in a basic plyer set.  I say invested as if it was a massive purchase.  The set was under $20 for about six different tools.  But I guess when your a true blue struggling artist $20 is quite an investment.  You can pick them up from any craft store or one of those super stores that sells everything (unless you really need it, then it suddenly disappears-different blog for a different day)  Here are the three plyers I used for this project.


I don't know the technical name for these so I gave them each a painfully obvious nickname.  Hands is the needle nosed one and I use it to mold each link open and shut.  Grabber is the flat one and I use it to hold things still while Hands works.  And Chomper was used to cut existing links out of the other jewelry to create my charms.


Tools in hand I set about picking my charms.  I came across two cheap bracelet I've had since high school and never wear, a favorite necklace that recently broke, and four bracelets with one charm a piece (time to consolidate).

Next, I Chomped one segment off each of the pieces you see to the right.  I actually chomped two from the one in the back, since their multi-colored I figured it wouldn't look redundant.  Next I simply used Hands to unlink the other charms away from their chains.  Bonus: I now have bare chains in my jewelry making bin!


Again, at any decent craft store you can find tiny bags of links in several different sizes.  I went with medium since their not so big as to draw attention to themselves and not so small that I go crazy trying to manipulate them.

I've shown one that already been "opened" by Hands.

Try to open them, slip in the charm and close it on the chain with as little twisting and pinching as you can.  The links get weaker as they're manhandled.

Within minutes, I had my very own truly unique charm bracelet!  It only took me 24 years, but I can finally check that off the list.  I've already gotten some compliments on it and there is nothing more rewarding than answering "where did you get that?" with a resounding "I made it!"

So think about what you have that you don't use, what you want that you don't have, and try to link the two together! Did you see what I did there? Craft Pun!  Stay tuned on LiveLaughLena; I'm on a DIY rampage!

Five Months in and We're Moving

Don't let the Bed Bugs Bite.  Literally.

Consider this a public service announcement to those of us who truly thought this was simply an idiom said as part of a goodnight routine.  Bedbugs are real, they are gross, and they are in my apartment.  Now before you get all "ewww, lets not be Lena's friend anymore" let me enlighten you on the complete situation.

Bed bugs don't show up because you're gross.
While keeping your apartment clean is extremely important, it will not prevent bed bugs.  Unlike ants, or roaches, or flies, they are not attracted to clutter, grime, mess, etc.  However, it is important to know that having a cluttered home makes it easy for them to hide.  I had been keeping my apartment as tidy as possible but they're here.

Bed bugs bite you.  
I know right?! Creepy, yes.  Extremely hazardous, no.  Unlike they're malaria ridden distance cousins, these blood sucking parasites don't transmit diseases.  Don't ask me why, its just what my research says.  So while the thought of a creepy crawly sticking his microscopic straw into your skin and loading up on stolen nutrients does freak me out and make it impossible to sleep, knowing I won't get some terrible terminal disease is a plus.

They're fast.
Ever since the indisputable discovery was made, my boyfriend and I have been killing and capturing any bugs we find.  While websites will tell you they only crawl and can't fly or jump, they don't tell you how fast they are.  Its gross.  And if you squish them they might leave a streak of blood like mosquitoes do on your arm.

Dust mite covers don't work.  
Bed bugs will literally chew holes through these covers so don't waste your money.  The good ones are $70+ and trust me...they don't work.

even if all you see are traces, take it seriously

Catching an infestation and acting immediately will help you.  
As soon as we knew they had invaded our bedroom we washed EVERYTHING in hot water, and whatever could not be washed we steamed with our iron.  Bed bugs can't take extreme cold or heat.  Ignoring an infestation could lead to them spreading to your clothes, your other furniture, your rugs; it could cost you thousands of dollars.

Even acting quickly won't save everything.
After the washing and steaming, after replacing the wood slats in the bed frame, and after our landlords had fumigated our apartment, we've still seen a couple bugs.  Now while these may simply be the best and brightest of their little insect population, I am not taking any chances.  Our entire bed will need to be replaced, everything re-washed, and the grand finale...

We're moving.

this chart shows the density of beg bugs around the nation

The best way to get rid of a bed bug problem is to walk away.  Bed bugs are on the rise especially in major meccas like Los Angeles.  Talk to your landlords directly about any history the building might have.  After discovering our infestation I spoke with a woman who used to live on my floor and had the same problem.

Having bed bugs is not your fault, but you do need to take responsibility for taking action as soon as you can.
                                                                               

We can't wait to start fresh and finally "sleep tight".

And just to give you the heebie jeebies here's a photos of the little jerks

they're tiny, flat, and brown.  we only saw one or two but that didn't mean they're weren't more

Let’s get this over with…Swiftly.

Alright people.  What is going on?  How did some corkscrew goldilocks from Pennsylvania who earned her diploma on a tour bus win the hearts of millions and millions of people singing bad country songs?  Come on!  We have more taste than that, don’t we?

For those of you who don’t already know this, I am not Taylor Swift’s biggest fan.  And if that isn’t the understatement of my year, I don’t know what is.  I was content to carry the burden of her bad lyrics, predictable chord progression, and whiny, fake twang quietly to myself- only mentioning the ridiculousness of her success to my innermost circle.  But no more!  With Taylor’s pathetic cover of Mumford and Son’s “White Blank Page” she has forced me into both a difficult and surprisingly enjoyable corner.  So here it is.   

How Taylor Swift isn’t, nor will ever be, in the same musical league as Mumford and Sons.

Now before you continue reading, take a painful five minutes out of your day (that unfortunately will not be returned to you) and watch Taylor’s cover.

So first things first.  Don’t let the cleverly dyed hair fool you.  Being a brunette does not automatically ricochet you out of the bubblegum pop realm and into the obscure folk singer region.  Neither does sitting on a stool.  We see through your clever disguise Taylor; even with the strange hint of a British accent you don on certain syllables.  Although, I'm pretty sure it was completely unintentional.  I’ll bet that listening to the original version over and over again trying to get it perfect might have rubbed off a bit.  Let’s not worry about making this a unique rendition, No.  Let’s simply make this less good, while still trying to be just as good.  Or it could be that spending too much time in the BBC radio studio rubbed off; the same way Nashville did on her Pennsylvanian roots, and she abandoned her identity for something that seemed more profound.

But wait, there’s more.  Anticipating the brown hair and seated position might not be enough, Taylor enlisted the help of a few friends.  And by a few friends I mean a professional guitarist, pianist, fiddle player, banjo player, and vocalist. 

I have a joke: How many professional musicians does it take to make Taylor Swift sound good?  

...at least five.

She has more people on this cover than Mumford has in their entire band!  And she’s a solo artist!  (However, after seeing her latest video for "Mean", I am glad she hired someone who actually knows how to play the banjo)  And now with her clever costume and talented entourage Taylor is ready to make music magic right?

Think again.

I don’t know if Taylor was a chain smoker before she hit the big time (at 14!) or if she has a genetic flaw that inhibits lung support, but the girl can’t hold a phrase to save her life.  Breathing in between phrases, words, and even in the middle of words (ex: "you belong to me-ee-breathe-ee") might very well be her trademark, but it is damn obnoxious.  How are you supposed to find the emotional arc in a lyric if you can’t even sing it all the way through?  The bottom drops right out of the song so Taylor can suck in more precious oxygen and get ready to sing...another two words.

Believe it or not, I have a very eclectic taste in music.  Some of my favorite vocalists are those who are flawed.  I love listening to music that is not perfect, but real.  When a musician has true emotion behind his or her words, their voice can crack, the pitch can falter, I don’t mind those moments, as long as they are honest.  But when a musician has more eyeliner on top of their eyes than meaning behind them, you better stay on pitch!  

 Taylor’s inability to stop going flat is probably the craziest thing about her success.  Now, in her cute little high school videos and oh-so-perfect album recordings, she is as pitch perfect as a pitch fork.  But if you ever have the displeasure of hearing a live performance, be ready for her voice to be as flat as a pancake.  No wonder the professional vocalist singing backup has giant headphones on.  She has the unfortunate (and practically impossible) task of harmonizing with Taylor while not highlighting the already obvious fact that they are not even in the same time zone as the correct pitch.

Earlier I briefly mentioned honesty and depth as being essential to becoming a respected musical artist.  Now I’m not saying that you’re not allowed to sing something you didn’t write.  Some of the most powerful songs out there are versions from an original.  I’m saying that you have to at least connect with the lyrics, in a way that goes beyond making googly eyes with the camera.  When she sings about “swelling rage” it has about as much oomph as a half-ass shoulder punch.  When Marcus Mumford sings the lyric you believe that he has to say it twice, you want him to repeat it, to get it out!  Its painfully obvious Taylor repeats it because…that’s how the song goes. 

Much like the Shakespearean “O” the “Ahhh” chorus is meant to be a flood of emotion that builds to the brink of collapse, signifying the heartache and intensity in the song’s message.  But hand that same music to our multi-platinum gold mine here and the chorus into nothing more than a scrawny girl missing the mark.

So there it is.  Years of pent up aggression against one of the biggest stars in music shoved into one blog.  And I didn’t even mention the “scarlet letter” debacle.

If you’re like me, then you need some Swift detoxification from all this nonsense.  I suggest you cleanse your pallet with Mumford and Sons doing what they do right, as opposed to Taylor Swift doing what they do right wrong.  Watch their beautifully natural emotionally charged acoustic version of “White Blank Page” below, recorded in their simple Bookshop Recordings series.  Enjoy.

The Real Fake Princess Diaries

I am The Little Mermaid. 


Seriously, I put on a wig and a dress and I introduce myself to small children as "Ariel".  This is my job.  I used to be the Development Assistant for the State Theatre of Georgia helping to raise millions of dollars to build a new children's theatre.  But then I got the wild hair to drive to LA to become wildly successful.  


Now I pretend I'm a mermaid at birthday parties...Which begs the question:


HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!?!?!

Rapunzel and I snuck into
the photo booth for a not-so-princess photoshoot 

I mean, come on!  I get to pretend to be one of the most-loved Disney princesses of all time!  Although, for copyright reasons, my costume can't be movie perfect (don't wanna get sued)  But even being a generic, knock-off princess is kinda cool.  Not to mention my first gig was a rockstar daughter's sixth birthday!


Due to my irrational fear that the most unlikely people in the world would read this blog I won't mention his name here.  It really is like blog phobia.  For instance, if I were to write a blog about how much I think Sara Palin is a crazy person I have this inner fear that she will show up at my apartment to call me names and lower my self-esteem.  Great.  Now I have to worry about Travis Barker and Sara Palin.  ...whoops.


ANYWAYS, rockstars, like our nameless fellow, really know how to throw their kids' birthday parties.  I mean, the works:  Two, count 'em, two petting zoos complete with a 5 ft llama.  A professional photo booth that printed vintage photostrips. Two bouncy houses, one of which was like a dueling slides thing that looked straight out of ninja warrior.  Professional face painters, airbrush tattoo artist, hair braiders, and caricature artist from the land of the Disney itself.  


They even had one of those people who write your name, but they do it all cool.  You know what I mean, where if your name is Vivian the V is made of two dolphins jumping out the ocean covered in glitter.  I don't know what that's called, but they had one!


So, when you're up against an amazing swimming pool, professional artists, bounce houses, and a LLAMA for cryin' out loud, even Ariel can go unnoticed.  


I had to work my fins off to get those little princesses to focus on the pictures all the parents wanted.  Not to mention avoid getting pummeled by nerf bullets, bag toss bean bags, and water cannons by this random little girl full of rage against all things princess-see (princessy? I don't know, its not a word).  But it was my very first party with this company, and while it may be a stone's throw from Birthday Clown, I am living in Los Angeles, California and I have a job.  


All Hail King Triton!!!